7 tips on parenting from my personal experience.

Remember when all you could think about was having a baby? For me the desire seemed to come out of no-where and just wouldn't go away. It was all I could think about, all I could dream of. I had this wonderful image of The Bloke and I staring lovingly into the face of our perfect offspring as she slept peacefully in our arms ...

And that did happen, for about 5 minutes. Then I realized that the words 'perfect' and 'parent' had nothing in common. That's not to say that my babies weren't adorable, they were. My children are the cutest, cuddliest, funniest, most fantastic children in the world, who have challenged my patience, temper and sanity.

They don't do what they're told, in fact often quite the opposite. They don't follow the 'children should be seen and not heard' idiom at all. I have discovered there is a fine line between protection and spoiling. It's hard to see the line and its super easy to cross it and doubly hard to get back again.

Currently Miss A is a few weeks away from being a teenager, and Miss B is hard on her heels.

I have learned a few things from the last 6 months of trying to maintain communication with an almost 13-year old. Please note that I am not a psychologist, or an educational specialist, or any other kind of expert in anything. But I am a parent, and I've been a child, so I have some experience. This is what I've learnt from that experience.

1. When you wake her gently with a kiss and whisper 'time to get up baby' and she responds with 'Go away mum I hate you', take a really really really deep breath and DON'T take it personally. It's hard to believe, but she really doesn't mean it. Somewhere deep inside that moody soul, she loves you. She's up and down like an emotional yo-yo, imagine how hard that is for her to deal with.

2. Be firm about the technology. I am not anti-tech. I think it is vital for our kids and us to stay on top of technology. In my day it was hogging the telephone and talking to your friends, now it's group chats on Instagram, but it's still communication with their peers and it's important. However, I am sure Miss A's poor behaviour is directly proportional to the amount of time she spends on the iPad. I don't know if there is any research out there to support this view, but for me I can see the difference. The more time on her iPad, the less pleasant she is to everyone around her. Her school did some research on technology use after becoming a BYOD (bring your own device) school and their research found that children who didn't have firm limits on their technology use were more socially isolated, and had lower self esteem than children who did have firm limits. So set them and stick to them. It's amazing how Miss A always has a sudden homework project that just has to be done tonight, as soon as I tell her tech time is up. Too bad.

3. Loads of people say it and it is true, having dinner together around the table allows time for everyone to talk without distractions. If, like my family, there is one child who makes dinner time stressful because they are a super picky eater, make a rule that the dinner is put in front of them and they can choose to eat it or not. Of course there is no dessert if dinner is not eaten. No further discussion, and no negotiation. "What if I eat these three peas and that bit of carrot, can I have three spoons of dessert then?" Kids are exquisite negotiators, don't fall for it. Everyone has to stay at the table until the last person is done. They may all start out grumpy, but mine usually can't contain themselves and have to start talking, and away we go.

4. No matter how many times your children say they hate you. No matter how angry you feel thinking of all the sleepless nights, driving around to events and birthday parties, you have done for them. The thing is parenting is not about keeping score. Your child knows they are loved. If they didn't they couldn't risk being so mean to you. While you shouldn't accept poor behaviour, be happy in the knowledge that your child is so convinced of your love, they can behave this way. Take solace...then ground them.

5. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. In lay terms, everything has consequences. Make sure your child understands the consequences, then let them make some of their own decisions. Experience is the best learning tool. Obviously don't let your children take crazy or unsafe risks. Use your common sense.

6. Accept that you won't always get it right, in fact I often get it horribly wrong. Learn how to apologise. Getting it wrong doesn't make you a rubbish parent. Getting it wrong and not caring does that. Getting it wrong and then torturing yourself about all the psychological damage your child will now suffer sucks the joy out of life. Don't do it. In this I speak from experience. Apologising to your child when you've gotten it wrong is okay. It lets them know that no-one is perfect and no-one should expect to be perfect. It also lets them know we should clean up our mistakes and messes.

7. Find a way to laugh together. It gives everyone something to hold onto during the really rough times.

8. If all else fails, wait until your children are asleep, then sneak in and take selfies with them to hold as ransom...consequences remember.

Below are two resources I have used that offer really helpful and sensible advise. I am not affiliated with either in any way.

Nigel Latta's site  http://www.goldfishwisdom.org/parents.
The Parenting Place http://www.theparentingplace.com/

Let me know in the comments section if you have any parenting tips that have worked for your family.

Grace