Grief and a little Christmas cheer

I've spent a lot of time thinking about life and death over the last two weeks. I think one of the positive aspects of grief is that it throws you out of your normal routine, cracks the barrier on your reservedness, and pours all your feelings out for the world to see. Massively confronting and uncomfortable, but cathartic.

I guess, like many people, I've gotten used to running through the daily routine, getting children up (no small challenge on any day), getting ready for work, doing the work, then home again for the evening routine of cooking, homework, bedtime. It's time consuming and doesn't leave a lot of time for introspection. When you are suddenly knocked off your axis, you begin to think differently. I'm not talking about packing up the kids and moving to a yoga sanctuary in India (although I wouldn't say no to that either). But more about making sure that you're enjoying life. The small moments that shouldn't be wasted, because some people don't get a lot of moments, and you never know if you'll be one of them. My mum lived a long life, and I hope I'll do the same. But if I don't, I want to know that I really lived the moments I was given.

Mum would have said, you can feel sorrow, but you should look good while you're doing it. So with that in mind, I wiped off the tears, put down the scorched almonds, got up off the sofa, and threw on some lipstick . It's Christmas. I love Christmas. So let's get that tree up, and some twinkle lights going. Gathering the family we all set about making the house feel like Christmas (except Miss A who chose to wander around in some kind of supervisory capacity that resembled doing nothing). Soon the house was decorated, the trees were up, and the garden full of lights. Mum would have been pleased.

I did feel better afterwards, I think we all did. It's hard to be really miserable surrounded by colourful fairy lights and glittering ornaments. This is not to say I'm done with grieving. I suspect it will take many months before I stop reaching for the phone to tell mum something. But I do think that it isn't good for us to get into the habit of sorrow. Habits are hard to break, and sorrow has a way of creating more things to feel sorrowful about.

Here are a few pics of our efforts to feel sad without being sorrowful, and missing mum while still living, and enjoying small moments like eating dinner under fairy-lit stars and candy canes.

The upstairs tree decorated with white organza and gold decorations.

If you missed the post about turning an old ladder into a feature, 
you can read about it here.

Miss A made this wreath, a few years ago,  from a piece of wire picked up off the road
and some strips of fabric.

Pine cones and glitter, quintessential Christmas elements.

A Christmas tree for the wall, from Command hooks and wire lights.

The nativity set from my childhood.

Santa and a jar of lights.

Pretty silver baubles

My mother's green glass bowl, I remember this bowl in our home
throughout my childhood. It goes well with the Christmas train.

The upstairs tree, white and gold this year.

The ladder lit with lights and hung with stars.
And the downstairs tree.

The glass dome found in a charity shop a few weeks ago.

If you missed the post on building this beautiful built-in bookshelf,
you can read about it here.

Rudolf Christmas countdown calendar.

A pretty decoration on Miss A's door. It didn't survive the
last door slam, but it was lovely while it lasted.

The ladder strung with wire and bulb lights, then hung with blue glitter
stars and snowflakes. I later added candy canes and icicles found
in the charity shop. 

A beautiful silver decoration I was given last year
by my lovely cousin.

Christmas lights are so therapeutic!

Silver reindeer on the bookshelf.

A tree topper star light.

These beautiful Christmas stockings I bought
last year from a craft market. They are
just gorgeous.

The upstairs tree one more time.

Mum's silver hat goes well with the silver-themed bookshelf.

I love this nutcracker solider.

Annie Dillard said in her book, The Writer's Life, 'how we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives'. Remember to pay attention and enjoy the small moments that make up our lives. You won't regret it.

Have a great week

Grace

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