The greatest little city in the world.

I flew down to Wellington last weekend to do the final assessments for my very last post grad diploma paper. Yes, in a few weeks I'll have some letters to add after my name which I'll probably never use, yet took me three years to earn. 

I've been to the capital several times over the last three years for this qualification and I find something new and wonderful each time. I can never get enough of the buildings, the harbour, the museums, the food, the festivals, the vintage scene. There is so much that's worth a trip to Wellington.

Getting of the plane and into the city is so easy on the public bus. You can be dropped right in the heart of Wellington within 20 minutes for $9.00. I was starving, having decided to skip Jetstar's pre-ordered offering. I found a gem of a cafe called Loretta's, on Cuba street. The food was excellent, and the lay out and display very tempting. The wait staff weren't that friendly, but I'd return for the ginger poached pears alone.

Bircher Museli and Ginger Poached Pear...Yum yum yum.

                                     

A table laid out with glass-dome covered pastries

I can never visit without checking on the parliament buildings. New Zealand's centre of government. Last time I visited it was hot and sunny, and there was a noisy protest outside the buildings. This time it was fairly quiet. The wet, misty weather keeping everyone civil. I'm always surprised when I come upon the Beehive, that it isn't bigger. No bigger than any of the surrounding buildings, It appears out of no-where, its architecture unmistakable.  You can take free tours through the buildings. They leave hourly. It's well worth a visit.

The Beehive

I caught the train out to Waikanae to visit family. It's an hour along the coast. The view is stunning. Rough waves crashing onto the west coast shoreline, interspersed with rolling green hills studded with sheep.

View from the train to Waikanae

Waikanae has one of those wild west coast beaches, all dark sand, rolling waves, and few people. Beautiful.

It also has the Southern Hemisphere's largest private classic car collection at Southward Car Museum. I didn't get to visit this trip, but it's on the list for next time.

I had a great evening with my family and caught the train back stuffed full of good food and laughter.

It was late by the time we finished at the university on Saturday night. I decided to wander through the streets and see what was happening. Not much as it turns out, the weather was terrible and it wasn't late enough to be cool.

Then I turned a corner and there it was, quiet and unassuming. My heart began to beat, breath quickening. Was it closed? Oh God please don't let it be closed. It's 8pm on Saturday night, of course it'll be closed. I press my nose up to the window, on the other side a man is staring back at me, we're almost eye to eye, and there are other people inside. It's open!

 Pegasus Books the website is underwhelming, but the shop is a treasure trove of literary delights. Not the prices of my usual charity shop finds, but what a selection, with cosy reading spots tucked into random corners surrounded by shelves of books stacked floor to ceiling.

It was at this point I deeply regretted purchasing a flight with carry-on only. I was already been over the 7kg limit on the way out. But I couldn't leave with nothing, so many beautiful volumes! I couldn't resist a copy of Edgar Allen Poe's Tales of Mystery and Imagination, 1972. Not $2.00, but not too bad either. Thank you Jet Star for not weighing my carry on.

I wandered the city a little more, then caught an Uber ride back to my Airbnb accommodation, feeling very cosmopolitan. 

Courtney place, Wellington

On Sunday, I flew home to Auckland. Just over 12 hours later, an earthquake shook Wellington and Kaikoura, everything in between, and then some. People said they felt it all the way up in Auckland.
I didn't. And I'm glad. It must have been terrifying.

A good friend lives in Christchurch and once told me about her experience of the earthquake there in 2011. She describes waking up to the room shaking. Trying to crawl off the bed, while it was shunted to and fro across the room, to get to her children whom she could hear screaming down the corridor Her description of not being able to get off that bed is heart-breaking.

I don't know of anything worse than being a parent unable to get to your child when they desperately need you. I try not to think about it too much.

All my love goes out to the people in Kaikoura and Wellington and the surrounding towns affected by the latest quake. My deepest sympathy to the two families who lost their loved ones. And I'm very grateful to have missed that earthquake by 12 hours.

For those wondering, Pegasus is still standing. "Shaken not stirred" their facebook page says. My family are all safe and sound, if somewhat isolated by slips blocking transport to and from the city. I don't know how Loretta's is, I imagine those glass-domed pastries were doomed. The Beehive has massively expensive special shock absorbing foundations for just such as day as the earthquake. If you're that way inclined you can read about them here.

There are on-going problems after a natural disaster. Road closures, transport issues, water pollution, isolation, loss of jobs, income, and that's just the physical issues. If you want to help relieve some of the suffering, you can donate to the Red Cross Appeal. Make sure you click on the Wellington option and then you an choose where you want your money to go.

It may take some time, but I'll return to Wellington, not just for Pegasus Books, but for solidarity. Okay well, it's mostly for Pegasus Books, but solidarity sounds braver.

This weekend The Bloke and I are putting together our emergency survival kit and plan. We take running water, electricity, refrigeration, internet, and phone lines for granted. I've never spent much time thinking about doing without them, but there is nothing like a homegrown disaster to bring the possibility into clear focus and motivate one to action. If you don't have an emergency survival kit, no matter where in the world you are, get one. You'll sleep better at night. I know I will.

Here are a few resources that might be helpful.

New Zealand Civil Defense Get Thru programme

What to have in your emergency kit.

How to maintain your emergency kit.

Grace

p.s. If you like my blog, please subscribe by email. Subscribing means that when I post new content, it will appear in your inbox and you won't have to go looking for it online. I won't email you anything else. I won't share your email with anyone either, that is so annoying!

Ten things I wish I'd known before I had kids.

When I had my first baby, someone wrote on a congratulations card the words “remember tomorrow is another day”. I thought at the time it was a weird thing to say, of course tomorrow is another day,..duh. Little did I know that I would return to those words many times over in my life as a parent in a vain attempt to prevent myself from going completely mad.
Nothing stays the same. That is the blessing and the curse of parenthood (and life).

Each time I've had cause to write a congratulations card to a new parent, I’ve thought about what one thing would I have liked to get a heads up on before having my children?

Over the last few weeks, I've taken an informal poll from the parents I know, work with, and socialize with. Many people had way more than one thing they wish they'd known. Here's compilation of the responses.

Before having kids I wish I'd known that:

I would worry so much...

You will worry like you have never worried before. Maybe this is just me? I do have a tendency to catastrophize, but I have never worried about so much, so consistently, before in my life. It starts well before the birth, worrying if you'll be a good parent, moves on to worrying if your baby will be healthy, and pretty much continues until you die. Talking to my friends, its not just worry about your child. Some people develop a sudden appreciation of their own health and well being. There's nothing like knowing there is a little person totally dependent on you to sharpen up your sense of self-preservation. The level of worry might change, but it never, ever, stops.

I'd feel so guilty...

Nothing sucks the joy out of parenting like guilt. Yet there is so much to feel guilty about. If you work outside the home, if you don't work outside the home, if you sent your precious child to daycare, if you don't send your precious child to daycare. If you take time for yourself. If you leave them with a sitter. If you forget they were invited to a birthday party (who me...never).
Like worry, guilt seems to flourish in parenthood. What's the answer? Well there isn't one. The best solution is to follow your instinct and don't compare yourself or your children to others. You tend to only see what they want to show you anyway. A bit like Facebook, only the best bits make it. Be kind to yourself and forge ahead.

This too shall pass...

Remember tomorrow is another day' means even if your baby has screamed all day, and you feel like you haven’t a hair left on your head, this too shall pass. One day you will look back and barely remember the screaming, neither theirs or yours. You will also forget many of the gloriously funny things your kids do and say. Record them in someway. I had a little notebook I kept in my handbag for just such moments. Reading it back when we're had a hard day and don't like each other much is great for breaking the tension and refocusing everyone to the positive.

     I'd farewell my personal space...

      You will have to give up your personal space for at least 8 years, and some of us are into our 13^th year without any sign of a reprieve, apparently privacy only works in one direction.You will have an audience watching you pee and shower and on one hideously memorable occasion having ‘intimate relations’…that was hard to explain. Losing my personal space was difficult for me to adjust too. I couldn't just go anywhere, and do anything I wanted. I had another person to consider.

    Babies don't read the textbooks...

Before birth I read many books on child rearing. That was a complete waste of time. The only thing baby books ever did was to make me worry more and feel guilty that I wasn't getting it 'right'. However if they work for you, go for it.

     The effect of sleep deprivation...

I read that babies are supposed to sleep about 18 to 20 hours a day. Well not mine. Miss A used up all her sleep quota in the first 6 weeks then woke up and stayed awake for three years (and therefore so did I). Miss B was a little better, or it may have been exhaustion caused by extreme sleep deprivation that lead me to sleep through her cries. I know someone whose baby slept through the night from eight weeks. I'm pretty sure I ordered one of those babies, but that's not what I got. Every child is different. I look back and I wonder how on earth I survived those first few years. but I did. If I'd been more prepared, I may have been a little kinder to myself. I would have packed less into a day and had more naps instead of vacuuming or doing the laundry. On the positive side, I am truly able to appreciate the joy of a full nights sleep.

        I didn't need to sweat the small stuff...

      This is similar to the first point about worry, but a bit more specific. I think back to all the things I worried about when my girls were very small. Would my child ever swallow lumpy food?  Would they ever pee in the toilet? Would they have any friends at school? Would they ever sleep through the night? I can assure you that, unless your baby has some medical condition, time answers all these problems. Both my children swallow lumpy food, pee in the toilet (mostly), sleep through the night (getting them out of bed is now the problem) and have friends. I needn't have worried about this stuff when ahead of me lies drugs, sex, and rock 'n' roll (sobbing and rocking quietly here).

     I would regret that pompous attitude...  

     You know the one. "Oh no my child will never - add in superior attitude as required-". Oh no my child will never watch T.V, back chat, speak only one language, throw tantrums in public, bite anyone. Then there's comments about other's parenting. "Well if they were firm with that child they wouldn't behave like that. Oh really? Well I apologize to everyone I ever thought this about, and to anyone whose parenting skills I thoughtlessly critiqued without first hand, exhausted, worry-filled, guilted-out, experience.

    

     I'd always know what my kids need...

      I had this idea in my head that I would be able to understand my kids. That I'd intuitively know what they needed. This isn't true. It's not just when they're babies and can't talk either. Sometimes I understand them, but frequently I have no idea why that are acting the way they are. What's the motivation? When I think of my girls, I hear John Legend lyrics running through my head - "what's going on in that beautiful mind, I'm on your magical mystery ride". My kids are frequently a total mystery to me. 

     I should start saving now...

      Start saving for their education from birth, or before. A little over a long time is far more affordable than a lot in a short time. Take advantage of compound interest. If they don't need it for their education, they'll certainly need it for a house deposit if they live in Auckland.

     All kids need is love, rules, and consequences.

It starts with that overpriced buggy and if you aren't careful continues until you are on the verge of bankruptcy. Read my lips NONE of it is necessary. What babies need is love, cuddles, and you. What bigger kids need are love, rules and consequences. It is so tempting to give your kids every material thing you think they want. Resist. Give your time and energy instead. 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it? Some days I wish with all my heart that I could go back and start again, I'm sure I'd do a better job. But you can't reset life. Other days, I think I'm doing a great job. Some moments are filled with laughter, others with tears. Some days the kids love me and I love them. Other days they tell me they hate me, and I'm not feeling so fond of them either.

In the end I know without a doubt that I love my kids and I am doing the best I can. I have never, ever regretted bringing them into this world. I'm pretty sure they love me and wouldn't want to be without me either, although they have a strange way of showing it sometimes.

What's the one thing you wish you had known before you had kids? Let me know in the comments below.

Have a great week.

Grace

p.s. If you like my blog, please subscribe by email. Subscribing means that when I post new content, it will appear in your inbox and you won't have to go looking for it online. I won't email you anything else. I won't share your email with anyone either, that is so annoying!