Why traditions are important

Family Christmas traditions; simple, ordinary, wondrous.

You never know where life will take you. It's all so unpredictable isn't it. That's the point of course, it would be a dull life if we all knew what was around every corner. But sometimes a bit of predictability is good. It''s reassuring and comforting. I think having family traditions are a perfect way to provide that predictability and comfort.

We have a few traditions in our family such as Friday night Movie Night.We choose a movie together, and if we are all still speaking by the end of that process we make pizza and eat together in the lounge, on the sofa Miss A and Miss B have named Carl, while watching said movie. Like all sofas, Carl has a few primo seats and a few less desirable ones. Getting one of the sweet seats is always a potential issue, and anyone who gets up during the movie runs the risk of losing their seat, usually to the dog.

Another tradition is being allowed to choose anything you like for breakfast on your birthday. No lectures, no gasps of shock, no recriminations. This year was McDonald's pancakes, last year was ice cream sundaes. One year Miss A wanted a toffee pop sandwich, but fortunately changed her mind before the big day, that would have been a hard one to swallow for me, if not for her (pun intended).

Then of course there are our Christmas traditions. We only have a few at the moment. We decorate the tree together, we open a present on Christmas eve when we get back from mass, we leave cookies and milk out for Santa, and carrots for the reindeer, and we eat breakfast at my brother's home. We used to take the children to the Smith and Caughey's department store Santa's grotto to see the puppetry and have a photo with Santa, this year they both refused to go. Apparently sitting on Santa's knee is creepy. "He sees you when you're sleeping Mum" says Miss B, "he knows when you're awake, he knows when you're been bad or good, he's a stalker". Oh dear, my stranger danger education seems to have been too effective. I'm still insisting we go see the store's amazing window display. Each year they choose a children's book and recreate the story with puppets.It is well worth the trip, (especially when coupled with Franklin road, read on for that).

Since Mum's death, I've been thinking we could do with a few more traditions to fill the void and to ensure we are all together at Christmas. That's the beautiful thing about traditions, they're things that everyone knows are done in a certain way, at a certain time, no excuses. I think traditions help create a strong family bond, a bond that helps us through life. Traditions are the glue that can hold it all together when it would otherwise be easy to drift away from each other, sometimes without even noticing.

So I've been thinking and searching for some new traditions to add from this year forth. I've never made a Christmas pudding, Mum always did that. So now that we have all her baking things, including her pudding steamer, I thought it would be great to make a family tradition of all the family making the Christmas pudding together. The multiple ingredients to measure and mix seem perfect for kids to join in with. Then into Grandma's pudding steamer and onto the stove. A great way to honour Mum and keep her in the kids memories as well.

The Franklin Road lights is another tradition I know many families do. Franklin Road is an inner city street where the occupants go all out decorating their homes with Christmas lights. I've been once with the kids, when they were small, but I think its time to make an annual visit mandatory. How can anyone come away from so much Christmas glory without feeling happy and Christmas-y?

Don't be fooled into thinking that traditions make everything peaceful and fun. Sometimes they don't, they can be hard, there may be fighting, but stick to your guns and make sure they know resistance is futile. At the very least your kids may learn some conflict resolution skills!

However there are a few traditions I've come across that we won't be taking up. There is a German tradition of putting out a shoe on Dec 5th, if you are a good child it is filled with lollies and candy, if you are not, it is filled with sticks for your parents to beat you with. Hmm, tempting but no, that one won't be making the cut.

Do you have any family traditions at Christmas, or any other time of the year? I would love to hear about them. Please leave a comment below.

Have a very Merry Christmas (and if you don't celebrate Christmas, have a wonderful holiday break).

As always, have a great week.

Grace

p.s. If you like my blog, please subscribe by email. Subscribing means that when I post new content, it will appear in your inbox and you won't have to go looking for it online. I won't email you anything else. I won't share your email with anyone either, that is so annoying!

Grief and a little Christmas cheer

I've spent a lot of time thinking about life and death over the last two weeks. I think one of the positive aspects of grief is that it throws you out of your normal routine, cracks the barrier on your reservedness, and pours all your feelings out for the world to see. Massively confronting and uncomfortable, but cathartic.

I guess, like many people, I've gotten used to running through the daily routine, getting children up (no small challenge on any day), getting ready for work, doing the work, then home again for the evening routine of cooking, homework, bedtime. It's time consuming and doesn't leave a lot of time for introspection. When you are suddenly knocked off your axis, you begin to think differently. I'm not talking about packing up the kids and moving to a yoga sanctuary in India (although I wouldn't say no to that either). But more about making sure that you're enjoying life. The small moments that shouldn't be wasted, because some people don't get a lot of moments, and you never know if you'll be one of them. My mum lived a long life, and I hope I'll do the same. But if I don't, I want to know that I really lived the moments I was given.

Mum would have said, you can feel sorrow, but you should look good while you're doing it. So with that in mind, I wiped off the tears, put down the scorched almonds, got up off the sofa, and threw on some lipstick . It's Christmas. I love Christmas. So let's get that tree up, and some twinkle lights going. Gathering the family we all set about making the house feel like Christmas (except Miss A who chose to wander around in some kind of supervisory capacity that resembled doing nothing). Soon the house was decorated, the trees were up, and the garden full of lights. Mum would have been pleased.

I did feel better afterwards, I think we all did. It's hard to be really miserable surrounded by colourful fairy lights and glittering ornaments. This is not to say I'm done with grieving. I suspect it will take many months before I stop reaching for the phone to tell mum something. But I do think that it isn't good for us to get into the habit of sorrow. Habits are hard to break, and sorrow has a way of creating more things to feel sorrowful about.

Here are a few pics of our efforts to feel sad without being sorrowful, and missing mum while still living, and enjoying small moments like eating dinner under fairy-lit stars and candy canes.

The upstairs tree decorated with white organza and gold decorations.

If you missed the post about turning an old ladder into a feature, 
you can read about it here.

Miss A made this wreath, a few years ago,  from a piece of wire picked up off the road
and some strips of fabric.

Pine cones and glitter, quintessential Christmas elements.

A Christmas tree for the wall, from Command hooks and wire lights.

The nativity set from my childhood.

Santa and a jar of lights.

Pretty silver baubles

My mother's green glass bowl, I remember this bowl in our home
throughout my childhood. It goes well with the Christmas train.

The upstairs tree, white and gold this year.

The ladder lit with lights and hung with stars.
And the downstairs tree.

The glass dome found in a charity shop a few weeks ago.

If you missed the post on building this beautiful built-in bookshelf,
you can read about it here.

Rudolf Christmas countdown calendar.

A pretty decoration on Miss A's door. It didn't survive the
last door slam, but it was lovely while it lasted.

The ladder strung with wire and bulb lights, then hung with blue glitter
stars and snowflakes. I later added candy canes and icicles found
in the charity shop. 

A beautiful silver decoration I was given last year
by my lovely cousin.

Christmas lights are so therapeutic!

Silver reindeer on the bookshelf.

A tree topper star light.

These beautiful Christmas stockings I bought
last year from a craft market. They are
just gorgeous.

The upstairs tree one more time.

Mum's silver hat goes well with the silver-themed bookshelf.

I love this nutcracker solider.

Annie Dillard said in her book, The Writer's Life, 'how we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives'. Remember to pay attention and enjoy the small moments that make up our lives. You won't regret it.

Have a great week

Grace

p.s. If you like my blog, please subscribe by email. Subscribing means that when I post new content, it will appear in your inbox and you won't have to go looking for it online. I won't email you anything else. I won't share your email with anyone either, that is so annoying!

Important things I learned from my mother.

When I think of my mother, I wonder how such strength of spirit could be contained in such a small person. She migrated across the world to New Zealand from Ireland, outlived three husbands, and raised three teenagers alone. Her childhood was so far removed from my own it seems almost fictional. But it wasn't. She drew water from the village well, and cut turf for the fire. She lived in a world without phones, washing machines, or indoor plumbing. Her schooling was so strict it would be considered child-abuse today. People in her village died from malnutrition, and diseases that none of us will ever suffer with our vaccinations, and modern medicines.

Yet despite the poverty and the hardship that came from living in a world without modern conveniences that many now would consider essential, Mum had a happy life. She was well loved by her parents, and that taught her, in turn, how to love. She was good at loving people. Not an easy thing to achieve when you stop to think about it.


She told me once, not to be too sad when she died, she'd had a good life and couldn't live forever. That's a healthy philosophy if there ever was one.

Mum taught me so much throughout her life. She taught me the practical things, like how to iron a shirt. How to bake a cake, or a batch of scones. That it is important to be well dressed at all times. That a home should be tidy and organised (still working on those last two).

She also taught me the intangible things that make life good. She showed me that gratefulness is a gift. That working hard is never a waste of time. That unconditional love really does exist, and that one can keep going even after great loss and still find pleasure in life

She taught me how to consider others, how to be generous in spirit. That being right wasn't always necessary and to think about how my words would affect those to whom I would direct them.

I am grateful that she was my mother. I am grateful that my children knew their grandmother, and knew that they were adored, as all her grandchildren were.

I'll miss her voice, that lilting accent so recognizable. I'll miss her laugh and her sense of humour.

Then I'll remember the last time she smiled at me, so clear in my mind and I'll be grateful again for the gift that she was and for her life, well-lived, and well-loved to the last.

Grace