What would you have done?

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A few weeks before Christmas I had an experience that I'm still struggling with. Let me tell you what happened and then I'd love you to tell me what you would have done instead.

It was early evening, the day was still light and the children were in the garden. I was in the kitchen which looks out over the garden. My children aren't little, they are both teenagers now with the full form of teen sarcasm to back them up. 

The dogs started barking and I saw a person had come through the gate. Our home is surrounded by a six foot fence, mainly to keep the children off the road when they were little, and now to keep the dogs from accosting passersby with doggy licks and leaps which, shockingly, some people don't enjoy. The point is, it is rare for someone to venture through the gate unless they know us or know our dogs.

I walked out of the house and saw a women. She wasn't old, but she wasn't in the first flush of youth either. I'd estimate around mid 30's. I felt slightly apprehensive as I looked at her. She was dressed in what looked like a short satin nightie which was very odd considering it was a cold day. She stood just inside the gate hugging herself and looking around. I asked if I could help her. Said she'd been out with her boyfriend, they'd had a fight and he'd driven off with her bag, phone and jacket in the car. Could she use the phone to call for a ride.

U-huh, I thought. Maybe. Maybe not.

Now you're probably all thinking - don't let her use the phone - well I did. Because if you think about it, how else was she going to get a ride if she had been stranded. I knew The Bloke was in the house, I had my dogs, and I didn't get any vibes from her that made me feel unsafe. Dubious maybe, but not unsafe. Still, I kept my eye on her during the call. The person she called didn't answer. She said she needed to access her email account to look at her contact list.

I would too if I was stranded. I don't keep phone numbers in my head. I let her access her account on my phone. I stood next to her. I know you might well be yelling "NO" at the top of your lung right now. I did it anyway, knowing the risk. 

She ended up staying at our house for more than an hour while she waited for her lift. She sent several txt's from my phone asking when they were coming. She seemed nervous and didn't answer to the name she'd given me when I called her by it. As we chatted, her story had quite a few holes and inconsistencies in it.

I feed her and she admired my handbag.  It's a nice bag, I moved it when she wasn't looking.  I gave her a jacket I'd had out to drop off at the local charity shop. She thanked me profusely. Her ride arrived and she was out of the gate, in the car and gone.

I picked up my phone and checked the txt messages. She'd deleted all the sent ones. Hmmm. I opened gmail, she hadn't logged out. I checked her name. No surprise, the one she'd given me wasn't her name. I typed the name on the gmail account into Facebook and my heart sank right into my abdomen. Up popped a picture of her...on a police notice looking for her on outstanding arrest charges. The post was on her own page (privacy settings people!) and all the comments from her acquaintances were laughing about her being famous now. 

I contacted the police. they were still looking for her, but honestly, they weren't that interested. What I wanted to know was what kind of crimes she'd been charged with. I hoped to God it wasn't anything violent. Nope, just petty theft and credit card fraud. I checked my wallet. The card was still there. 

I like to think of myself as a kind person, some might disagree.  One of my beliefs is that kindness is linked to worthiness in a person. I've spent some time thinking about what I would do if the same situation occurred. Firstly, I really believe this person was in trouble and had been abandoned with nothing. Should I have turned her away? Maybe. She probably deserved to be turned away. She thought nothing of stealing from people.  Although I didn't know that at the time, I did know something wasn't right. Would I have acted differently if it had been a man instead of a woman? What if I'd been home alone? I think I would have helped using a different strategy with less personal risk involved.
I've been extra vigilant in my home security since and a tiny bit of me feels mad that I let this person into my sanctuary. But a bigger part asks what would turning her away say about me?

Are only 'good' people worthy of kindness? Should only good and honest people be treated with consideration? Should only those who don't need it receive your assistance? Should people provide three referees before they are deemed worthy. Or is one act of kindness towards someone, irrespective of who they are and what they've done enough, to set a seed of something in their minds that might flourish into greater self esteem and an increase in their own level of kindness (enough to stop stealing credit cards perhaps).

Imagine if  kindness  was contagious.  How beautiful the world would be if we all started treating each other with greater kindness and took the very real risk that it might backfire.  Would that be worth it? Or not? Don't be stupid with it, I had my whole family at home and didn't leave her alone for a second. That isn't kindness, that's respecting your instincts and using common sense.

Kindness coupled with self protection. She might still have managed to steal something, although she didn't. She could have used my phone fraudulently. She didn't, although I did receive a few cryptic txts from an unidentified number which I suspect were meant for her. They soon stopped.

Find me on Facebook @GraceBrookerWrites and comment on what you would have done. Or feel free to leave a comment below.

Grace

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